Falling in love can feel exciting, even exhilarating. But over time, these feelings may change to something more mellow or calm. This doesn’t necessarily mean there’s anything wrong with your relationship.
Romantic love is a key goal for many people. Whether you’ve been in love before or have yet to fall in love for the first time, you might think of this love as the pinnacle of romantic experiences — perhaps even the pinnacle of life experiences.
But over time, you might find yourself thinking “I love them” instead of “I’m in love with them.” Loving someone instead of feeling “in love” with them simply illustrates how feelings of love evolve over the course of a relationship, especially a long-term relationship.
What it’s like to be in love
Being in love generally refers to those intense feelings that take over at the start of a relationship.
These include:
infatuation
happiness
excitement and nervousness
sexual attraction and lust
Here’s what these feelings might look like in action.
You feel charged and euphoric around them
It may not seem like it, but being in love is a somewhat scientific process. Falling in love involves a lot of hormones, which can supercharge your feelings and make them wildly fluctuate.
When you’re around the person you love, increases in dopamine and norepinephrine lead to feelings of:
pleasure
giddiness
nervous excitement
euphoria
Decreases in serotonin can fuel feelings of infatuation.
Sex hormones, such as testosterone and estrogen, also play a part by boosting libido and leading to feelings of lust.
Other key hormones, such as oxytocin and vasopressin, help cement your attraction by promoting trust, empathy, and other factors of long-term attachment.
You can’t wait to see them again — even when they’ve just left
Even after spending all day with your partner, you still feel lonesome when they leave. You wonder what they’re doing and whether they’re thinking about you. Maybe you already have plans to meet the next day, but you still wonder how you’ll manage until you see them again.
This is common when you’re in love. And while it’s certainly healthy to spend some time away from each other, that doesn’t mean you enjoy doing so.
If you can’t stop thinking about them even when you’re apart, you’re most likely enjoying that agonizing bliss of being in love.
Everything feels exciting and new
Being in love can change the way you see things. Even everyday activities like going to the grocery store can become more enjoyable.
You might also look at other things with new eyes. Many people in love feel more willing to try new things, or things they previously didn’t care for, simply because their partner enjoys them.
There’s nothing wrong with trying new things. In fact, openness to new experiences is a great trait to have. But it’s pretty common to feel swayed by a partner’s interests, so make sure you don’t feel pressured to go along with things you really don’t want to do.
You always make time for them
Typically, being in love with someone means you want to spend as much time with them as possible. Even if you’re busy, you probably find yourself arranging your schedule to see your partner.
This might also involve a desire to get to know more about them by exploring their interests. When love is mutual, they’ll probably feel the same way about you and want to spend just as much time getting to know your interests.
This is all pretty normal. It’s also common, however, for people in love to briefly “forget” about their friends.
Try to remember to spend time with your friends, too, instead of letting love completely sweep you away.
You don’t mind making sacrifices for them
In the first rush of being in love, you might feel completely dedicated to your partner, ready to do anything and everything to help them through a tough spot or even just make their lives a little easier.
Empathy and your fast-growing attachment can fuel your desire to be there for them and help them however possible. But the hormones involved in love can sometimes affect how you make decisions.
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